My Pa

Well, after sitting here at the computer crying for the last half hour, I have come to a great understanding of myself. Growing can be so painful and when we finally understand something, it is a release.... I found myself being released from one of the biggest chains that has bound me for the last 40 years. Even though I will still carry this chain on my journey it does not bind me so tightly anymore.

I find it fascinating that we can be working away on something and not even realize where it is taking us. It is often as if we are divinely guided to seek our own truth, and when we are not even aware that we are on a journey, the arrival at our destination can be surprising and even take our breath away.

I have been working on developing a unit on Westward Movement for one of my masters classes. I based my unit on the Little House books because I have loved them from the moment that I got my hands on them. I dreamed of living on the prairie, with long braids swishing as I ran down a big hill toward my little home. I went to a summer camp when I was about 10 or 11 that was called Pioneer Days. It was a sleep away camp and we did wonderful activities like, make our own soap (with lye), create corn husk dolls and even cook a turkey in a pit, overnight. It was like a dream come true. I watched the Little House series and usually cried at the sappy sentimentality of it all. I honestly believe that it is possible that in a previous life, I was a pioneer girl, living life in a little cabin and discovering the joys all around me. All of that, led me to create this unit. I figure that if you have to do work, do it on something that you have a passion for. So, here I am... working away.

Today, when I opened my email, I got a message from my step mom saying that she and my dad would not be able to come up for the weekend that we had planned. There is a LOT that goes into this, but basically, my father and I are not close. For most of my life, I have felt as if I don't really have a "Dad", he hasn't really been there for me. He is not the guy that a girl can call when her car (or her heart) is broken, or when she has a financial question, or needs help to build a patio cover. Being around him is a lot of work, and can be very painful. He doesn't like me much and really doesn't know me, at all. I wish that we had a relationship, but he really seems to have his priorities mixed up and is more concerned with Rotary picnics and watering his lawn in Yuma, Arizona. Needless to say, I was very hurt and disappointed by the news that they wouldn't be coming up to visit. (from San Diego..just wanted to clarify... they do not live very far away and we have not spent time with them since Christmas)

So, I have work to do and after I finished erasing their names from both of my calendars for the weekend that they were supposed to come (which of course was in pencil.. I have learned at least that much). I cried. I cried because they don't care much, and it hurts. I cried because my kids are not important to them and I cried because I feel very, very alone in the world a lot of the time and I have, for much of my life. I decided to let myself have a five minute cry and then, get over it. I know that I should not be surprised or hurt by this news, but I am, I always am. I took a deep breath and got back to work.

I sat writing out lesson plans and adding books to my annotated bibliography when I got to a small book. A biography on Laura herself and I read about a time when Laura had slapped her sister and then gotten whipped by her Pa. The book says that she sobbed and sobbed as if "her heart would break" It was what came next that took me by surprise, this simple passage:

"The little house ... was suddenly much too small. There was no place for Laura to go, no place to hide and cry. Laura sat on a chair in the corner and felt miserable. After a while Pa said again, 'Come here, Laura.' Her heart melted when she heard that kindness in his voice. Pa pulled her onto his lap to comfort her. As his big strong arms surrounded her, she felt that everything was all right again. Pa had always understood Laura."

I broke down and a flood of thoughts, memories and emotions took me by surprise. I understood, why these books and stories had meant so much to me and it was NOT the reasons that I had thought.

I felt a lot like Laura when I was growing up. I was a little rebellious (if not in action, at least in thought) I did not always fit in and I was jealous of my sibling (he was younger and a boy, but I shared much of Laura's feelings that she had towards Mary). I felt heartbroken and as if there was no where to go and nowhere to hide from my family, my feelings and myself. The crucial difference for Laura, was that she had Pa. I think that I read these stories so that I could have a little bit of Pa for myself. I suddenly remembered fantasizing about working with Pa in the fields and helping him with the animals. I think that lots of times I cried at the TV show, because of Pa and his love and devotion to his family and the way that he always understood Laura. Mostly, because he always loved her. NO MATTER WHAT. When she was rascally, or in trouble, he loved her. When she was struggling to behave or do her school work, he loved her. As she grew, so did his love for her, and his respect. I think, that I was filling myself with that. Drinking in the Pa that I did not have for myself. I think I was fascinated by that relationship and that gift that Laura had, and I think that I may have been a bit jealous, too. I also think that it is why I cried so bitterly, when Michael Landon passed away. He was my Pa... he was a bit of a hero for me, when I had none.

So, here I am. Writing a unit. Getting my Masters. For who? For me? For Pa? For my Dad? I had NO idea that I would be HERE, emotionally, right NOW. I was not prepared. I am constantly amazed by the direction our path can take us and by the unexpected treasures, discoveries and mysteries that we find along the way. Here is what I learned today...

Some girls are lucky enough to have a "Pa" and some girls are smart enough to find one for their own daughters. I am blessed to have have found both in my life, even when one of them could never put his arms around me, I believe that he taught me what to look for. I may not have had a living man to look up to, but I had a beautiful example of a father. I was never as alone as I thought I was, and I might have missed out on some things, but I was still given a chance, to be with a father and learn from him. I have been given gifts that I have never even opened and I need to remember that sometimes the most beautiful and profound things are just waiting to be discovered, right in front of you. Thank you, Charles Ingalls for teaching me what a father should be. And, thank you Laura for letting me share him with you.

Reader's Theatre Script

For my integrated Social Studies unit, I had to write a Reader's Theatre Script. My unit is designed for 5th grade and is focused on Westward Movement using Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series as a basis. I have lots of activities included and this is just one of them. I balked at the project at first and was irritated that we had to write an original script. Once I got going, I really enjoyed it. I would write one of these again to use in a class room and I feel that this one is good enough to use too! I wanted to share some of my hard work with you, so...here it is:


The Ingalls Family Heads West
Written by Yvonne Huffaker

Overview: The Ingalls family is packing up the covered wagon for the move west to a new home on the prairie. As Pa packs, the girls ask him questions about the trip and they discover what adventure lies ahead.

Readers: 7

Suitable for ages: 9-12

Roles: Narrators 1-3, Pa, Ma, Laura & Mary
________________________________________________

Narrator 1: In the mid 1800’s, many people lived on the east coast and the eastern part of the United States and made the decision to pack up and move out west. People had started to move into Kansas, Nebraska and the Dakota’s.

Narrator 2: Some went further west, but many just moved around in that area, trying to find something that was just right for them.

Narrator 3: Some people moved because of religious reasons, some were looking for work, some wanted a better life for their family.

N 1: Some thought that their town was getting too crowded and overpopulated and some, just liked the idea of adventure.

N 2: Charles Ingalls seemed to fit into that last category. He wanted to get out of the crowded area where his family lived. He did not want to listen to the chop of an ax or the bustle of the building and traveling that were going on in his front yard.

N 3: So, Pa built a covered wagon and he and Ma packed up the family and all of their belongings and headed Westward.

N 2: Westward-ish.

N 1: You see the Ingalls family moved from Wisconsin and then south to Kansas and back and forth in between. When they finally settled down, it was in South Dakota, which WAS west of where they had started from in Wisconsin, but it wasn’t very far.

N 2: They moved around a lot, trying to find somewhere that they liked, that was not owned by the government, or had too many Indians, or was too far from a town.

N 3: This is the story about packing up, and leaving.

N 1: It’s about what they took with them and what they left behind.

N2: They left a well established settlement to go out on their own. Alone, with no wagon train and with no help. They didn’t really even have a plan for where they would end up.

N 3: Pa planned to go, until he found a place that “felt” right.

Pa: Well girls, I am almost done building the wagon. Why don’t you come out and give me a hand?

Mary: Pa, why is the wagon so big when it is only going to be You, Ma, Laura, Carrie and Me?

Pa: Well, Mary, we are going to take some of the furniture, the blankets, lots of food, cooking pots and some things that are special to our family with us. There has to be room for all of that AND us in this wagon!

Ma: It sounds like so much! We are taking a lot, but we won’t need to take the beds, table and chairs because Pa can always build new ones when we find our new home.

Laura: We will take your little china woman, too. Right, Ma?

Pa: Of course Laura, your Ma has had that with her on every move that she has made, and she won’t take up much room at all. We will pack her up deep inside of the flour barrel so that she won’t get jostled during the trip.

Ma: We will put the eggs in there too, to keep them from breaking during the ride!

Mary: Don’t forget your fiddle box, Pa. We will have to have that so that we can listen to music when we stop in the evening!

Pa: I won’t forget Mary, I already have it tucked away safely, right here behind the bench seat!

N 1: Other supplies that they would carry with them would include smoked meat, sugar, salt, baking soda, dried beans, dried fruit.

N 2: Rice, vinegar, corn meal, ginger, raisins, and molasses.

N 1: They would also have rope, canvas tarpaulins, an ax, shovel, tools, knives and tin dishes.

N 2: A water keg, iron pot and skillet, feather beds and blankets.
N 3: They carried everything that they had and that they would need during the journey and when they set up a new home.

Laura: Pa? Where will we sleep while we are traveling?

Pa: In the wagon, mostly. We will stop at night and cook on an open fire and then snuggle down together under the quilts! It will be just like camping!

Mary: Why are we going Pa? Why can’t we just stay here in our house in the Big Woods?

Pa: There are just too many people here in the Big Woods Mary. I don’t like hearing the chop of an ax that isn’t mine.

Ma: And the road in front of our house is always busy with wagons coming and going. Why, it isn’t even safe for you girls to go out front and play!

Laura: Why are we leaving now Pa, when it is still so cold and the house is so warm and cozy? Don’t most people wait until spring to travel?

Pa: We have to go now Laura, before the ice breaks on the Mississippi River. It is far too wide and deep for the horses to swim across! When we get to the Missouri River, we will be able to ride a ferry! But we have to walk across the Mississippi, and we can only do that while it is still frozen.

Ma: Are the new horses ready for the journey, Pa?

N 1: Ma was worried that the horses wouldn’t hold up to the long trip.

Laura: Can I name the horses Pa?

Mary: No! I want to name them, can’t I please?

Pa: Well girls, seeing as how there are two of them, I suppose that you can each name one!

N 1: The girls chose the names

N2: Pet

N3: and Patty.

Pa: Girls, did you know that oxen always have the same names when they are used for a wagon train?

Girls: No, Pa!

Pa: Well, they do! The oxen on the left are named “Buck” and the ones on the right are named “Bright”. All of the teams are named that way, so that anyone can drive the team if need be. Think how confused those animals would be if they got new names any time that they were sold!

Laura: Are we coming back?

Mary: How long will it take us?
Laura: Will we still have to do chores?

Mary: What will we eat?

N 1: The girls shot questions at Pa faster than he could answer.

Ma: Now girls, give your Pa a chance to answer.

Pa: Well, now… where do I start with that list of questions!? You two sure are curious, aren’t you?

Laura: Start with me, Pa… start with me.

Pa: O.K. Half-pint, I will start with you! I don’t believe that we will be coming back here Laura, I think that we will find a new home and we will settle down and that we won’t ever see the Big Woods again.

N 2: At that news a tear slid silently down Ma’s cheek, for she knew that Pa was right and that she would probably not ever see her family or her home in the woods, again.

N 3: Although she was excited about the trip, she was nervous and fearful. After all, she had three young children to look out for and there were many dangers on the trail.

N 1: As it turns out, the family did return for a short time to the Big Woods, but only to visit and make plans for the next move, but that is another story.

Ma: And to answer your other question, yes Laura, you will still have chores. You will fetch water, help with the cooking, wash dishes, help your Pa to collect wood and shake out the blankets and make the beds before we start off every day.

N 2: Laura was disappointed, she had hoped for “time off” from chores during the journey, but she still felt satisfied that there would be less work than there was at home.

Pa: Now Mary, to answer your questions.

N 3: Mary looked expectantly at her Pa.

Pa: We will eat biscuits, potatoes, bacon, cracklings, dried meat, crackers, dried fruit, cornmeal, beans and eggs, while they last. We can’t take much milk with us, because we will have no way to keep it from spoiling.

Ma: But, some of it we will make into “wagon butter” to enjoy on our first few days.

Mary: Wagon Butter!? What ever is that, Ma?

Ma: We will put the milk in a jug and hang it off of the side of the wagon and all of the jostling will churn it right into butter!

N 1: The girls clapped excitedly at the news of fresh butter for the biscuits.

Pa: As for how long it will take us to get where we are going, well, I don’t rightly know. Mostly because I don’t really know where we will stop, only which direction we will be heading! I guess we will know how long it took, when we arrive! I can say that it will be some time and that we will all be tired when we finish.

N 2: The average wagon could only travel about 10 to 15 miles in one day.

N 3: That’s about as far away as Disneyland!

N 1: Can you imagine it taking an ENTIRE DAY to just get from our school, to Disneyland?

N 2: It only takes us about a half an hour to go that distance in a car!

N 3: Not to mention the fact that if it were raining or muddy, they could only go one mile! That is only as far as the grocery store!

N 1: In a covered wagon, it might take you five or six days to go as far in one full hour as you can go today.

N 2: The horses and oxen didn’t go very fast, and they had a very big load to pull.

N 3: This is why it was such a big deal to go west. Or to go anywhere, really. It was not like packing up and heading to Grandma’s house for the weekend.

N 1: It was a big production and there were lots of risks and danger.

N 2: But people were courageous, and went.

N 3: They went for adventure.

N 1: They went to find a new home.

N 2: They went to make a name and a life for themselves and their families.

Ma: Are you ready girls? I think that we have everything packed up and ready to go. It is time to kiss your cousins goodbye!

N 3: They said their good-byes, climbed into the wagon and slowly rolled away from the Big Woods.

N 2: They went because they were pioneers, and they were ready to discover something new.

N 3: Laura rode in the wagon, looking back on where they had come from and what they were leaving behind.

N 1: She thought to herself, “What a grand adventure my life is. What awaits us on this journey? What will our new home be like?”

N 2: She pondered these questions and then thought, “This will be a story that I will tell my children, and maybe even my grandchildren, someday.”

N 3: And that,

All: Is exactly, what she did.

Tessellation

I created this for my Arts Integration class and I think that it is pretty cool.
"Run, Run, As Fast As You Can"

A Quick Update

Our next project.. Ella's room!

Gavin's room is really done! REALLY!!!! The fan is up, the glow stars on the ceiling are up and the little party lites under his bed are up! I feel so much relief! I love his room and I love how we all worked on it together and I LOVE that it is DONE!

In addition, we re-arranged Ella's room, moved out the last of the jungle features and brought in her furniture (even though it has not been refinished yet). This really helped us get a better idea of how the room will work and what we need to do to get her bed put together properly. We bought an old 1920's dresser and bed set for her at a yard sale and the bed is not the same as the current standard size so it will need some modifications. Bringing it in and setting it up was the only way that Andy and I could figure out what we needed to do! Now, we feel energized and excited about tackling this next project. If only I could decide on paint colors! Andy is going to start painting next weekend, so I had better get with it!

We had our yard sale and what we didn't sell was carted off to the Goodwill. My patio is back (and boy does it look BIG) and we made $128! We hoped to make enough to buy bikes for both kids and if we go with the less expensive models... we did it! We sold Gavin's old bike, so he gets first pick and Ella has her heart set on a Barbie bike. Toys R Us, here we come! We also sold the dresser and night stand that the kids had in their bedroom - which is why we had to bring in the unfinished dresser. I was not willing to have Ella's clothes on the floor for the next couple of weeks (or months)!

The kids got to go to the Circus with Gramma Sharon and Grampa Jack while Andy and I continued to work around the house. We also got to run errands, shop for a couch, get some decorating ideas at some new model homes and have dinner together! Andy got the garden planted while I took the kids to church on Sunday and then we all went down to Bellflower to shop for some Dutch goods at the Holland American market. After that we stopped in Little India to have a snack! It was a fun and very productive weekend! I feel rejuvenated and energized!

I have a TON of work to do for my classes and I have to study for the CSET (which is completely freaking me out) but ... there is nothing I can do but WORK. Work hard and be persistent and focus. That is the hard part, the focus. I feel torn between my job, and the house and the family but I know that right now, I just have to work on the class work and then I will have time for all of the other stuff. So, my nose will be to the grindstone for the next couple of weeks and I will have to let some other stuff go. (oh, darn.. when I just started to feel on top of things!) Off I go!

Here are some pics of our little garden!

My herb garden- sage, cilantro, parsley, basil and thyme! The kids planted marigolds in between!

The rows of corn!

We also have, red bush beans, sugar snap peas, carrots, cucumbers, and white and orange pumpkins.

Some tomatoes from seed and some plants. There are sungold, San Diego heirloom, Giant Steak, and Cherokee Purple and some other funky kind that Andy got!

Gavin's room - The transformation is complete!

O.K., not really.. the ceiling fan is still not up, but it should be by the end of the weekend and since you can't see it in the pics, I decided to not keep you in suspense any longer. (I know that you were checking the blog daily, huh?) His room came out great and we all love it!

Here are the before shots, with it painted mint green and with some girly stuff still hanging out!

Walking into the bedroom. (Well, I guess you CAN see the fan...)The loft bed. The only drawback to this, is that I cannot kiss him goodnight, which I miss, but it gives him so much space!Underneath the loft is his library and reading chair, which he is in, every night!Below his window is this cubby unit with his "treasures' and cd's.

The bookshelves even have more space left in them!
The big map, corn snake and parrot have found a home!

Break for Fun!

I completely forgot to put the photos in that last post.. if you want to check them out.. clean garage and messy patio! The yard sale is this weekend and I can't wait to get my patio back! Spring Break was great fun, we relaxed at the beach, played with the kids, had a date and started the garden! Now it is back to the grindstone to finish up work for school! Here are some pics of what we have been up to!

Ella and I spent a fun day together at the La Habra Children's Museum!

She sat on a statue of a Llama and thought it was pretty funny!Let's go fly a kite!

Gavin, taking some time out from his day in the ocean!Trying to pull the plungers out of the tar!Tar bubbling up out of one of the pits outside.. cool!

Peace for Spring Break

Clean Garage

It seems that blogging has not been high on my priority list as of late.. but I am not really sure what HAS! *note: I wrote this a few days ago, but got interupted...

We have been busy, as always... baseball, classes, STILL trying to get the house put back together! I did finally organize my desk and new cubbies...although I need more bins for it before it is officially "finished"..Gavin's room, well.. it hangs there, not QUITE done...it's the ceiling fan, really and that is it. Andy had to wait until his cast was off and then, well.. We cleaned the garage! Unfortunately, we again forgot to take before and after shots but let's just say that before, you could not walk into the garage, but only squeak around to get to the fridge and storage shelves. Now... it is a big, wide, open space that is very organized and lovely to behold! I find myself walking out there to just stand in it and appreciate the order.

The side effect of a clean garage is a REALLY messy patio! We pulled out a ton of stuff to sell at our yard sale in a couple of weeks, including the crib. Yup.. we are done... you heard it here first. I have come to the place where I am o.k. (actually adamant) that we will not have any more babies (other than our godson Alex and any other babies that need cuddling!) Andy has even conceded and is going to be contacting the urologist after Spring Break.

Messy Patio

We were going to start working on Ella's room (and FINISH Gavin's) during our Spring Break, but it seems that the universe has other ideas for us. A friend called yesterday and offered us a campsite at San Clemente State Beach for a couple of days. It is taking some shuffling and rescheduling and some major re-thinking on my part, but we are going! We realized that what we really need, is a break! Time to relax and just be together and so, we are taking it. We will be leaving on Saturday and coming home on Tuesday, not a LONG trip, but just the kind of break that we all need. I will leave the house a mess, the projects unfinished and the laundry piled up on the couch. Oh Well!!!

Today, I am working on paperwork and packing and grocery shopping. Tomorrow I will spend the day with Ella at the La Habra Children's Museum, just the two of us. I think that we will have a picnic too. Friday, the kids and I are sleeping in and getting packed up and then, when Andy gets home we are going to Downtown Disney to have dinner at Rainforest Cafe and Gavin wants to visit the Lego store. He has been doing extra chores and saving his money for something special! Then, it is off to the beach with nothing more to do than relax, chat, eat and sleep. I should probably put a walk or two in there, or I will lose my weight loss headway that I have been making.

I am peaceful, even though I have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in I know that if it needs to be done, it will be and that we will have a great time, TOGETHER!! I am thankful to my friend and for the opportunity to be with my family and to spend time with friends, I really do have a most blessed life.

A new baby for the Huffakers!

Well, Andy kept saying that he really wanted another baby. He REALLY wanted three, I have always thought that I would have three kids, but at this stage in my life, I really didn't think that it was a good idea. I have to return to work, full time and we struggle financially as it is, and my patience is pushed to the limit with the two that I have. Not to mention that I just don't think that my body can take the process again. I can come up with a thousand reasons NOT to have another baby, but the Universe has begged to differ. Andy's wish has come true and we are blessed and honored with another baby in our lives. Two weeks ago, we became the proud and beaming Godparents of Alexander Rosario Bono. The ceremony was beautiful, held in the Methodist Church surrounded by friends and family. The party afterwards was big, and loud and full of Italian accents and food. We have been welcomed into this family and are basking in the glory of our new connections with them. We look forward to many years of friendship, love and partnership as we join with this family to raise our children and be the best that we can be.

Alex is the sweetest baby. He was happy and cheerful all day long, he slept peacefully in my arms during the entire church service (after his big debut) and awoke with a crazy, questioning look on his face. He seemed to be thinking, "Hmmm, I wake up in a church with some strange lady holding me, and wearing a dress. What is going on here?" I told his mother that it sounded like a bad night in Vegas. (I know, very irreverent for church.. would you expect any less from me!?) He was delightful and seemed to love all of the attention. He is a BIG boy at almost 20 pounds and only 6 months, so holding him was a great workout.We were exhausted after the long weekend of cooking and setting up, partying and then cleaning up and tearing down. It was a good tired. We can't wait to see that little guy again and watch him grow and learn and love. I am thrilled that we get to have a "third" baby, and that I don't have to stretch out or lose sleep at night (sorry Giac and Kate!), but more importantly, that we get to share the love in our hearts with another wonderful little person!