Off on another journey...

Well, we took a poll and all in the family agreed that there has been WAY too much going on around here lately and after Andy and I had a major blowout on Friday night, I am in agreement. We have been running around like crazy people, working and playing WAY TOO HARD! I have learned that there actually is such a thing as too much FUN! We are going to spend more time at home, just hanging out and maybe even doing nothing!

I am understanding that I cannot expect everything to be done NOW and perfectly and that somethings I must just do myself (and get over it). I am telling you, for a grown up, I really don't know much...at all! I think that I have it all figured out and then, I realize that the rules have changed, or that we are playing a different game entirely! I seem to think that my husband is superhuman and can fix dinner, clean the kitchen, put the kids to bed AND do all of the "man" jobs like fix stuff and take care of the yard (oh, and balance that with the new job that he has this year!) I am wrong, he can't... just like I can't go to school, go to work, do the paperwork and household chores, spend time with kids, scrapbook, work out AND still have the time and energy to work on projects until midnight. I am ... human. So is he. That is it. My secret is out! I CAN'T DO IT ALL. I can do some of it and I can do some of it well and the rest of it will either not be done, or done "half-assed". What I really want for my family is to do some of it and BE HAPPY. Whatever the cost, be it messy house, unfinished projects, dirty cars, unkempt yards.... I want us to get along and to enjoy our lives.

Don't get me wrong and go thinking that I am going to let everything go to pot and be joyous about it. I am just saying that I am going to try to let more things go and focus on what really matters. I will still probably hate the clutter and the brown patches on the lawn, but I would rather be known for my happy, wonderful family than for my Martha like home and yard. Really! (boy, that is hard to say, and I am sure that it will be even harder to live with) Today, I worked out and then I went to Lowe's to get the things that I thought Andy would get ('cause he is the man and men do that stuff) but realized that they were MY priority and not his. I also bought new plants for the porch, 'cause the ones we planted last spring are half dead and not really working in the space. I look at them everytime I walk in the door and wish that "someone" would do something about it, so I am, and I think that I am going to go and plant them, as soon as I get off of the computer!

After that, I am going to put on the handles for the laundry room cabinet, fold the laundry and maybe replace the hinges that are the wrong color. I will not get "everything" done today that "needs" to be done. But I will also do some of my homework and fix dinner and read to my kids. After that, I will see how many more hours (or minutes) are left before I retire to the couch to watch t.v. for an hour (which I am learning that I deserve!) before getting myself off to bed. I am going to work harder at taking care of ME... (and not by getting manicures or having days at the spa, but by being nicer to myself and accepting my human-ness). I am going to work harder at taking care of my family too, in this same way. I think that I spend so much time taking care of the house and the shopping and the laundry and the, and the, and the.. I forget about taking care of our hearts and our souls...

Off on another journey I am.... one of a deeper level of understanding and acceptance. I think that I have packed well and I really hope that I haven't forgotten anything.

p.s. We did not put together any of the furniture this weekend...we hung out, laughed, played, watched a movie, ate popcorn, went to a birthday party, had dinner as a family... and Andy replaced all of the switches and outlets in the family room, kitchen and laundry room. We will see how we do next weekend!

Calming Down

Well, the painters came back and fixed the little things that we were unhappy with and my Mother In Law and a dear friend came and helped me to put all of my "stuff" back where it belongs (mostly) and I have cleaned off most of the dust and found most of the lost items and we are feeling much more "normal". This picture is of the new chair that Gavin and I just put together and that I am currently sitting in! The school nurse called while I was working on this post. He is home from school with a head cold.

We hosted a big party for my nieces' blessing and a celebration for her 2nd, Ella's 4th and Gavin's 8th birthdays on the 7th which gave me the greatest push to put the house back together. The house was packed full of people and love and the kids had a great time visiting, playing, and enjoying the festivities. Even though it was a crazy mad dash to get this place "presentable"... we did not have door handles, floor or outlet/switch covers.. but we had fun.

I started back to school with classes twice a week and next week I will start my field work, hopefully at the school of my choice and in a 5th grade classroom. Work has been more regular, meaning that I am actually getting there (I missed A LOT with all of the work being done) and I have returned to a somewhat normal work out routine at the gym. I am again, the weight that I was last year at this time, so I have 15 pounds to drop (notice I am not going to "lose" them... I DO NOT want to "find" them, again) and have already begun counting points and am watching the numbers on the scale go down.

Right after the party, Ella got really sick with a terrible head cold (again) and was feeling terrible. She shared and last week the stress and exhaustion caught up with me and I went down. I went into work on Thursday and couldn't even read the forms that I was working on so I packed up, headed home, changed into my p.j.'s and collapsed onto the couch. I am still battling the remnants of that cold, but feeling much better. Gavin and Ella both have ear infections and Gavin now has pink eye. It is becoming more and more apparent to me that this family needs to SLOW DOWN and figure out how to DO LESS! If I could just figure out HOW!

After that being said.. we continue on with the month's adventures! We had some good friends, Giacomo & Kate Bono, over for a special Valentine's dinner and had a wonderful evening. We had a teen neighbor come over and watch the kids and sit with them at dinner while the grown ups had a candlelit dinner in the dining room. We made roast beef with homemade gravy, roasted potatoes, asparagus, salad and chocolate bread pudding for dessert. I was not feeling well all day and was on cold medicine that made me loopy. Andy went to the store twice, we messed up the potatoes and had to make them twice (and didn't make enough the second time), I ruined the dip that we threw into the trash and I burned the chocolate on the first go round. I also over cooked the meat (I like it RARE), but amazingly the meal came out wonderfully and it was super yummy. We were honored, surprised and completely flattered when Giac (is that the way you should spell that when it is shortened?) & Kate asked us to be the Godparents for their new little one, Alex. He is four months old and is just a smiley ball of love! We are so excited that we get to have our third baby (without sleepless nights)!

The house is still in a pretty bad state of disarray with boxes here and there, some new furniture that has been purchased and not assembled in several rooms and little piles of "stuff" that have not found a new home. Gavin's new loft bed still needs some tweaking to stop the creaks and wiggles that it is suffering and Ella's room is a complete mess. The flooring is not in yet, but my new cabinet in the laundry room is, but it needs to be painted. I am looking at the pile of paperwork and wondering how much of it is really important and how much can wait until later.

My new laundry room cabinet with cubby for my "dream" trashcans. Simple Human, white, step cans with butterfly lids. Who knew that someday I would have a dream trashcan!

Really big box in the living room containing our new bookshelves for the family room, maybe we will put them together...next weekend?

And, more big boxes in the family room. These contain the new desk armoire that we might put together...next weekend?

This is my plywood floor... the tiles have been ordered, but have not come in yet...maybe next weekend? (you see where I am going with this, right? )
I still feel like I am recovering from everything that has been going on, but I am not sure if the best way to take care of myself is to work on it, or rest some more. I am always torn on this. I know that I will be able to relax when the work is finished, but I am learning that owning a home and raising a family means that the work is NEVER finished. I am learning that life is a project with no end but "The End" and that I will keep on working until I reach that finale. I am learning to enjoy the journey without focusing too much on the destination. I am learning to love the Trek without worrying about seeing the peak, and I am learning to ignore the dirty laundry strewn along the trail!

more on the house

I would do a "real" update with photos and all, but I am too tired...
Tired of the mess, tired of the dust, tired of the noise, the clutter, the confusion and tired of people in and out of my house. I am tired of phone calls and trying to get people to do what they are supposed to do. I am tired, of being tired. The painters came, they sucked, they left. The rooms are painted, but they are not done well. Gavin's bed came it is cool, he likes it. Ella's room is in a shambles as is my family room, kitchen, bedroom and living room. I have not been to the grocery store in 3 weeks. There is dust on, in and around EVERYTHING. The subflooring is going in today and we are most likely going to get granite counter tops and then the floor will go in after that. It is moving along and I know that these kind of jobs are like this, but I just wasn't prepared mentally, emotionally or financially. The Universe is divinely guiding me however and I know that I should just close my eyes and follow.

A date

On the Martin Luther King holiday, Andy and I had arranged for a date together. We asked his parents if they could watch the kids during the day, so that we could go on a hike and have lunch together. We know that we should make more time to be together, but it always seems that something gets in the way...time, money, sick kids...or in this case, a broken hot water pipe!

I felt very disappointed and discouraged that it looked like we were going to have to cancel our date together because there would be workmen coming to the house. Luckily, one team was able to come in the early morning and my step-dad was able to come and let in the other team to perform the necessary testing. We would have our date after all!

We have gone out and even away for a weekend since we had kids, but it is not often and usually feels rushed and not always very fun. We have gone to Lowe's on a date and even to Toys R Us for Christmas shopping, but usually we head out in the evening for dinner and a movie, or just a movie. These dates never really felt like "us" as it was not something that we ever really did together before we had kids, plus it was not always easy to find a sitter and we worried about the kids getting to bed and all of those other parent type things. Finally, we realized that we should do more things that ARE like "Us".. go hiking, go for a picnic, head to a museum or cultural event...usually, we think of taking the kids with us, but it seems that sometimes, we just need to be "us"...without them. So, this hike was the first of what we hope to be many more outings that give us time to re-connect!

It was easier to leave the kids for the morning, easier on them and on Grampa! We headed out to Eaton Canyon in Pasadena, which wasn't far and where neither of us had ever been! The morning was cool and cloudy and the trail was a bit more rugged than I had anticipated (but not too hard!) We crossed the creek several times which elicited some squeals from me as I almost tumbled right into the water (this elicited laughter from Andy at how silly I am). We walked and talked and solved all of the world's problems. We held hands and took pictures and I felt the weight of life slip off of my shoulders. I was reminded of why I love this man that I have chosen to spend my life with and felt a renewed sense of commitment to this dream that we are creating. We hiked for an hour to reach a pretty waterfall and then headed back down the hill.

We went into Pasadena and found a cute little bistro for lunch. We promised ourselves that we would not eat at a place that we had been before and swore to avoid all chain restaurants. We succeeded and at a GREAT Italian place where Andy enjoyed a steak and I had a huge salad. We headed home feeling peaceful and relaxed and ready to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening with our children. They were happy to see us and us to see them. I am looking forward to our next adventure...together, being "Us".