Crossing the Threshold

There are times in our lives that are like no other. There are moments when we change, forever. When you had your tenth birthday, you said good-bye to single digit ages - forever. When you lost your last baby tooth, you (hopefully) would never have that funny wiggling sensation again. After your first kiss, you would never again be a person who had never been kissed.

Life is like that and sometimes we pay little attention to the times when we crossed over and yet, other times it is so poignant and significant we remember it for the rest of our lives. It shapes who we are becoming and adds to the construction of our memories and our personality.

Marriage. It is a big change, it is a huge commitment. It is the act of making a promise to be by someone's side as their partner - forever. For some women, it means changing your name. The name that you have had since you were born, will now be erased and a new name will be a part of the new person that you are becoming. This was so significant for me that I pulled away from the idea. My name, I thought, is ME. It is my label. It is who I am. I knew that I wanted a partner, but I did not think that I wanted to change who I am. If you take the label off a carton of milk and change it to say lemonade...nobody will really know what is inside. And, what a terrible shock to someone who assumes that they are pouring lemonade and come out with a glass of milk. I was torn on this, but eventually, I realized that no matter what the label says, the milk... is still milk. What I didn't know at the time, is that I would change right along with my label. I was becoming someone different than I was before. I was becoming a wife, a partner and Mrs. Huffaker. Twelve years later and I am still struggling with who Mrs. Huffaker is, but I think I am getting to know her and ... well, she is pretty cool. Not the same as Miss Yvonne Cutler, but pretty cool nonetheless.

Marriage - threshold

From Mother to Son - Crystal Stair

Well, son, I'll tell you:

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

It's had tacks in it,

And splinters,

And boards torn up,

And places with no carpet on the floor—

Bare.

But all the time

I'se been a-climbin' on,

And reachin' landin's,

And turnin' corners,

And sometimes goin' in the dark

Where there ain't been no light.

So, boy, don't you turn back.

Don't you set down on the steps.

'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.

Don't you fall now—

For I'se still goin', honey,

I'se still climbin',

And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Langston Hughes, 1922

Ugh... blogger

I did not intend for that last post to be one long run on paragraph, but after formatting and re-formatting it 4 times and having blogger change it back.. I surrender.

Weighing In

Just finished up my Spring Break. I don't think that the word "break" and the word "mother" belong together in any thought. I did get to play a little, but I still had to "work" a lot. The kids have break next week and Andy follows that. Kind of a bummer, but I did enjoy some peaceful moments to myself. I tromped my resume all around town and will definitely be on the substitute teacher list for Whittier City next year. Other districts took my application, but I don't really know what my status with them will be yet. I got a chance to go to Arizona and visit with Darci and scrapbook. Our hotel experience was a comedy of errors. We moved rooms once, discovered that we could not shower, could not have dinner at the restaurant and had no microwave. The sink also backed up.... they comped us two out of three nights... so.... I guess it was all good in the end. I also got a lot of scrappin done! I spent a day at Glen Ivy Hot Springs with Kate. Totally relaxing and totally fun. Great day with a great friend. Other days were spent doing paperwork and volunteering at the kids' school. The annual Fun Run was postponed due to rain and was re-scheduled during my break! Yeah! Ella was super cute and Gavin was mostly a blur around the track! I have lost 12 pounds on Weight Watchers and have met my 5% and my 10 pound goals. I am trying to lose 20 all together. (I think) Slowly but surely! Most weeks I weigh in and find I have only lost 1/2 a pound. BUT... it is still a LOSS (that is what the person who weighs me always says!) I can't believe how close we are to the end of the school year! (and how little I have written this year!) I still have lots to say, but I keep falling asleep! Keep on trekking !

Hey There

I am still here... are you? I check other blogs and get really bummed when there is nothing new to read. I wonder, do you check mine and feel the same? I hope so... I mean.. um.... do you miss me? I miss me.

I am good and finally feel settled into my job teaching 2nd grade. I found out that I will not be staying however and that makes me terribly sad, but excited to find out what my next great adventure is going to be. I just hope that it does not involve the unemployment line!

The family is well. Andy got braces and had some teeth removed. That has kind of sucked, but it is not forever. Gavin is struggling with his teacher in the 4th grade. We are going to proceed with testing him for ADD. The principal has pushed this issue so hard and has told us that there will be no changes unless we do this and write a 504 plan for him. The kid is SO smart and is so frustrating! We hope that this plan will make a difference for him. We'll see. Ella is loving Kindergarten! She is a Daisy Girl Scout and has finally made the real leap into reading! We are having sooooo much fun.

I joined Weight Watchers after so many years of doing the plan on my own, I decided that I would pay someone to weigh me. I like the new program it is better for lots of reasons but mostly because I can't just carb out like I used to. I started 5 weeks ago and have lost 7 pounds. That was holiday weight and came off pretty easy. Now on to the tough stuff that has made me hips it's home for the past 6 years! The real bummer is that Andy has lost almost double my weight loss in the same amount of time. Hmmmmm....maybe I should get braces!

I have so many things to write about, but every night I sit on the couch and write lessons until 11 p.m. and then crawl off to bed. Last night I was up until 1:00, and when you get up at 5:30... that is NOT good! I am pooped out and can hardly imagine the hours of work I still need to put in tonight.

Hanging in there.... that is how I feel. Hanging by a very, very fine thread. I am glad that it is strong and 3 ply! Faith, Hope, Love.... it's about all that holds me together.... oh, and a big, strong dose of stress is the glue that keeps me from flying off into a million pieces.

Off to lesson planning I go.... Math and graphing await me! (as does a lawn chair and a cold beer sometime soon... please?)