The holidays flew by.. photos coming soon....
Ella's 5th birthday... whoosh.. photos coming soon....
Teaching 5th grade... already in the middle of week three out of 8.....
Time.... flies....dips....soars....and slips away....
Growing and learning in more ways than I thought possible.
New book, new insight: "Scream Free Parenting"
This author had me in tears as I realized how much I have been holding my children responsible for my own happiness and the climate of our home.... and how little freedom I give them over themselves, their decisions and their lives. Whew... eye opening to say the least.
Before tonight, it has been three weeks since I have "screamed" at anyone... and tonight, I only raised my voice as a chunk of bread flew across the room and a glass of milk went spilling down onto clean cushion and floor. I also apologized for the raised voice and got myself in check very quickly.
My children no longer have to clean their rooms. I have not lost my mind, but it means that I no longer have to nag and yell at them to clean their rooms. There are consequences...when Gavin wanted me to come in and hang out (in a room that looked literally like a bomb had gone off in it), I declined. I told him that it was too messy in there for me and it made me uncomfortable. He could join me in my room. His room has not looked like THAT since. He has also been informed that if the laundry is not in the hamper, it will not be washed. It is in the hamper, every day. If I cannot walk through the room to access said hamper, the clothes will not be retrieved. There is a path.
The children must clean up their rooms the night before the house cleaner comes. Last week, they were so excited you would think that I was handing out golden tickets for the cleanest room. Both rooms were clean and neat in less than a half hour WITHOUT ANY nagging, begging, or screaming!
I do not scream in the morning ANY MORE. There are consequences for not getting out of bed, dressed and to the table for breakfast. Breakfast is over at 7:40. If you are not there before then, you will not be served any food. Period. Both children have missed breakfast several times. I am happy to report, that no one has died of starvation. If you are not ready when I walk out the door at 8:00, I am still walking out the door. And I am leaving, with our without you in the car. As of yet, no one has tested this consequence, but I think that we all know.. I am not kidding. I will absolutely freak out if I leave a child home....but they will never know it. I trust that Gavin will get himself off to school, whether he runs there or calls Grampa. I am not sure... about Ella, but I don't think it will come to that with her. Yet. If you decide to stay in bed until the last possible minute.. you will only have that one minute to get dressed and get ready. Gavin has gone to school with crazy hair and bad breath.. really...it is his image, not mine... as soon as the other kids comment, I am sure that this too, will end.
Ella picks out her own outfits now, with no help or input from me. Please don't judge me for the all pink outfit or the completely mismatched articles of clothing that she decides are the height of preschool fashion. I will not engage in this battle, not at age 5. When she is 15 and her boobs are showing, it will be a different story, but not now. I have been given the privilege of choosing her outfits on Saturday, this is our compromise. Oh, but only if she is not going somewhere "important" or "where my friends might see me".
No screaming? You bet! In my head? Hell yes!
3 comments:
Sounds like an interesting book. And, it seems you all are making great progress. When the kids get control and natural consequences things do seem to work out quite well. My best to you all as you continue down this path!
My kids would never eat, and would go to school in their pj's. More power to you!
Sounds like a book I'd like to pick up. Joshua and I have been having major issues at bedtime (recently culminating in two nights in a row of spanking)and I'd just decided today to see what happens if I finish our bedtime routine and allow him to read until he seems ready for bed. Maybe I'm putting him to bed too early? I don't know but I can't do the tantrums/on-going interactions/spankings every night. That's not gonna work. I hope this continues to go well for you! :)
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