SORE

I am sore, and TIRED! I have been working out on a regular basis for the last couple of months and I started in with a trainer 3 weeks ago. She is tough and good for me, although it costs me more than I should spend. I have been vascilating between feeling guilty about the money and reveling in the glorious selfishness of it. I am currently rationalizing it by figuring out : The cost of having a baby by some other means than growing it myself AND without the aid of any infertilization expenses, multiplied by 2. Then I add on the cost of milk, made by me, multiplied by 2. If I then add in the cost of full time child care, provided by..ME for 7 years (Gavin's first 4 and Ell's 3)... well, darn it.... I deserve it! I have spent a LOT of time on and with my family and now that they are able to be on their own a bit more, I am going to spend some more time on and with, myself. It is a really hard thing for me to do, I do feel guilty, but I know that I am working on being the best me that I can be and in that way, I am giving my family a gift. The gift of a mother and a wife who is happy and content and HEALTHY!!

I worked on my arms yesterday and I could barely fix breakfast this morning. It is a good thing that Ella can walk on her own! She wanted me to hold her, but I couldn't pick her up!! We just cuddled together on the couch! I am sore, my body and my soul... neither is used to getting so much attention.