I once, was lost...

Right before Christmas time, I decided that buying juice boxes was really wasteful. Not for parties or camping or the occasional picnic but for packing into my kids lunches every single day. I realized that I could not only save money, but save the environment one little juice box at a time. I decided to invest in a thermos for each child. Now, if you know me... you know, that once I get an idea into my head I cannot sleep until I have accomplished whatever it is that I have now decided to obsess about. (It is what makes me so productive, AND so neurotic!)

I headed out to Target one night with a long list of "necessaries", one of them being thermoses (is that how you pluralize that?) I went to the isle and started looking. Little did I know that the thermos has come a LONG way since I was a kid and they were plastic, simple things with a lid and a cup. They CAME with your lunch box back then, remember? Well, in case you didn't know...the "thermos" is now made of metal and comes with a fancy straw that pops up with the push of a button. They do NOT come with a lunch box, but with a rather high price tag. $15! Yes, I said $15!!! EACH!! I was in a bit of shock! This was going to cost me $30 for two of these suckers. I mulled this over and let it roll around in my brain, but like I said earlier.. .when I get an idea. I decided that I would recoup this in no time because bottles of juice are cheaper than the juice boxes AND I could also pack milk and maybe even the occasional lemonade which is even cheaper. I then chose a cute flowered girly one for Ella and a wicked cool Clone Wars one for Gavin. Deed done.

The first day of thermos use. I went to write the kids names on the sides and Gavin protested. He said it wasn't "cool". I discreetly wrote his initials in "cool" Star Wars style writing. I then filled the bottles and sent the kids off. When the kids came home and I went to unpack the lunches, I discovered that Gavin's thermos was not there. I came only slightly annoyed and asked him where it was. He told me that he had taken into the classroom and used it in the afternoon and when he left school he had put it into an outside pocket of his backpack. After that, he was unclear about where it had gone. I came unhinged! I railed him for being irresponsible and not taking care of his things. We had been through this before with jackets, towels and other items. I lectured until I turned blue and he quit listening.

The next day, we checked his classroom, the lost and found at school and at daycare and we asked all of the teachers and the staff if they had seen it. The answer was a resounding "no". I lectured and got angry some more, because somehow I was sure that if I chewed him out enough, he would pay me back $15 worth in guilt and sorriness.

The thermos never showed up. We have checked the lost and found. No thermos. I told Gavin, that he would just not get a drink packed in his lunch. Looking back, I realize now that I should have just said this and not gone on and on giving the kid a load of grief. Hindsight... hmmmm...

Last week, Gavin wore his good heavy jacket to school one day because it was raining and really cold. The jacket came home without it's hood. Who in the world makes hoods REMOVABLE from kids' jackets!? Must be people without kids. Again, I lost my mind and ranted and raved and laid the guilt on thick. I really needed him to learn a lesson! He needed to learn to be more responsible with his things! These two incidents are only a few in the many times that I have hounded this child with the lecture about how we treat our property.

Last weekend, I went scrapbooking. I left, without my jacket. I did not realize it until Tuesday when it was cold and I had no jacket to wear. I spent the entire day trying to figure out what had happened to it. Did it go in the laundry? "Andy, have you seen my black jacket?" "Nope!", he answered. I stomped around positive that SOMEONE had touched my jacket. Then, I remembered that I had hung it on the back of the chair and had not worn it home. Ooops. I called my friend and she said that she had my jacket. Silly me.

Last night, I went to Target. Gavin came with me and we picked up some storage containers and other items for the house. When we left it was raining, I grabbed one bag, handed Gavin the other, popped open the umbrella and we ran for the car. This morning, as I was getting ready to leave for work I was looking for my wallet. I looked everywhere. Not in my bag, not in my room, not on the entry table, not in my car. My heart suddenly dropped into my stomach. I had left my wallet in the cart at Target. The rain and the late hour had me worn out and rushing and in that state of mind, I forgot to grab my wallet. With $500 cash in it. Now, I NEVER have cash, but Andy and I have been trying to pay for things with cash and this was the grocery money for the month that I had just gotten from the bank. I usually keep this in a different spot and only carry the cash I will need for the errand I am running. Not tonight. I had been in a hurry and just left it all in my wallet, the wallet that I had left in a cart outside of Target.

I called Target...not open yet. I went online to check card balances...no purchases had been made on the debit or credit card. This was a good sign. I hoped that someone had found my wallet and that they had turned it in. I hoped that they had not taken the money. I called the store again, no answer. I got mad. Mad at myself for being so stupid and careless. Then I felt guilty to my family for losing the money. What were we going to do? That was all we had for the entire month! Then, I cried and told Andy I was sorry for being such an idiot. He said that it was going to be o.k. and that he wasn't mad. I called the store again...no answer. I decided to just drive down there. I went to the service desk and with my voice wavering, asked if anyone had turned in a wallet the night before. My hands were beginning to sweat as the sales girl opened the log, I saw my name in the book right before she said "yes" and asked for my name. It took 15 minutes for the manager to bring my wallet from the safe. I was relieved, but still felt nauseated at the thought of the money being gone. The manager told me that it was a man who had returned it and that he said that he hadn't even opened it. I did. The money was there, all of it. Thank you, mister.

While driving to work I realized that the universe was again at work - teaching me. I had needed to learn a lesson. We are all human, we all make mistakes, we all misplace, forget and lose things. Some things are small, like a jacket and some are big, like a $15 thermos and others are so huge we start to panic in the face of the loss. I realized that my son had not lost these things because he was careless or that he didn't care about the value of them. He lost them, because he is a little boy. Because he is human. I realized that he had probably already beaten himself up for losing them. He was already sorry and that the last thing he needed was a mom to beat him up some more. He needed me to help him look and then, deal with the loss. He did not need my anger or the guilt.

I was humbled today, by my human-ness and realized that I need to show more compassion. My husband showed me that with his calm way. I mean, come on - I lost my WALLET!!! FULL OF CASH!!! I am very, very thankful that God did not decide that I needed to actually lose the money to learn the lesson and I am grateful for the chance to grow. You know God, you made me sweat a little! I apologized to my son tonight and he had the chance to see me grow as I admitted to my mistakes. My mistake at not being more careful with my wallet but more importantly not being careful with the most important thing...my child's heart.

More news and musings coming soon....

The holidays flew by.. photos coming soon....
Ella's 5th birthday... whoosh.. photos coming soon....
Teaching 5th grade... already in the middle of week three out of 8.....

Time.... flies....dips....soars....and slips away....

Growing and learning in more ways than I thought possible.

New book, new insight: "Scream Free Parenting"

This author had me in tears as I realized how much I have been holding my children responsible for my own happiness and the climate of our home.... and how little freedom I give them over themselves, their decisions and their lives. Whew... eye opening to say the least.
Before tonight, it has been three weeks since I have "screamed" at anyone... and tonight, I only raised my voice as a chunk of bread flew across the room and a glass of milk went spilling down onto clean cushion and floor. I also apologized for the raised voice and got myself in check very quickly.

My children no longer have to clean their rooms. I have not lost my mind, but it means that I no longer have to nag and yell at them to clean their rooms. There are consequences...when Gavin wanted me to come in and hang out (in a room that looked literally like a bomb had gone off in it), I declined. I told him that it was too messy in there for me and it made me uncomfortable. He could join me in my room. His room has not looked like THAT since. He has also been informed that if the laundry is not in the hamper, it will not be washed. It is in the hamper, every day. If I cannot walk through the room to access said hamper, the clothes will not be retrieved. There is a path.

The children must clean up their rooms the night before the house cleaner comes. Last week, they were so excited you would think that I was handing out golden tickets for the cleanest room. Both rooms were clean and neat in less than a half hour WITHOUT ANY nagging, begging, or screaming!

I do not scream in the morning ANY MORE. There are consequences for not getting out of bed, dressed and to the table for breakfast. Breakfast is over at 7:40. If you are not there before then, you will not be served any food. Period. Both children have missed breakfast several times. I am happy to report, that no one has died of starvation. If you are not ready when I walk out the door at 8:00, I am still walking out the door. And I am leaving, with our without you in the car. As of yet, no one has tested this consequence, but I think that we all know.. I am not kidding. I will absolutely freak out if I leave a child home....but they will never know it. I trust that Gavin will get himself off to school, whether he runs there or calls Grampa. I am not sure... about Ella, but I don't think it will come to that with her. Yet. If you decide to stay in bed until the last possible minute.. you will only have that one minute to get dressed and get ready. Gavin has gone to school with crazy hair and bad breath.. really...it is his image, not mine... as soon as the other kids comment, I am sure that this too, will end.

Ella picks out her own outfits now, with no help or input from me. Please don't judge me for the all pink outfit or the completely mismatched articles of clothing that she decides are the height of preschool fashion. I will not engage in this battle, not at age 5. When she is 15 and her boobs are showing, it will be a different story, but not now. I have been given the privilege of choosing her outfits on Saturday, this is our compromise. Oh, but only if she is not going somewhere "important" or "where my friends might see me".

No screaming? You bet! In my head? Hell yes!

I am the Master

I wrote this post on Saturday the 13th, a week ago, but it took until today to get the pics in!

Holy Smokes!!! What a week!!!!

Camping was super great! Fun time with the family and we got loads of "weather" which put us in the holiday spirit. Friday afternoon turned WINDY and the very blustery day turned into a very blustery night. The wind howled and the rain poured down. Sometime during the night the rain turned to hail and we woke up to an icy wonderland. The wind died down around 10 a.m. and the hail and sleet turned into snow. It was gorgeous! We spent most of the day inside in various locations (the motorhome, my uncle's trailer or the small rented condo) playing games and eating away.

Gavin became ill during the drive up (and by ill I mean that he yacked on the carpeted floor of the motorhome). He had a fever and felt terrible all day on Thanksgiving. He ate nothing more than a slice of bread! On Friday, he was better but still had a fever and later that night I noticed that he had a rash. By the time we got home he was on his way to a full recovery.
Monday started out in normal way, but after nap time Ella would not get up and she did not look like she felt well. We took her temp and discovered that she had a fever and just as we were about to call her Dad, she puked. In my lap. Thankfully it was no more than juice as she had not wanted to eat snack or lunch. She went home and rested, but by the evening she too had the rash. I had my suspicions, so I called to get her and Gavin into the doctor the next day. I had already planned to stay home with her, as Andy had a meeting that he couldn't miss. The doc confirmed my suspicion and pronounced it Scarlet Fever. He put us all on anitbiotics and sent us on our way. I worked on my paper and got my first major revision completed.

The next day, I had a fever and sore throat and Ella slept most of the day. This proved to be a blessing as I completed my second major revision on the thesis and had to have a plumber out to hydro jet our main sewer line to clear it of tree roots.

Thursday dawned with Ella and I feeling great, but not having been fever free for 24 hours, we both stayed home. We went to Target and ran a couple of errands before heading out for our big adventure. I had a doctors appointment to go to, but the tests that they ran didn't take very long so we were off to Burbank to see a special screening of "The Princess and the Frog". It was at the Disney Studios and was really cool. We met up with some friends and had a great time. The movie is super fantastic and they had a big Mardi Gras party afterwards! We got to meet EVERY princess (well, I took pictures of every princess while Ella hid behind my legs and waved). There were games, cupcakes and even an animator who worked on the film and was giving demonstrations. This may have been Ella's favorite part. She sat down at one of the tables and started drawing away! It was a wonderful event and it was even more wonderful to share it with my daughter.Friday we were back to work and school and it was like Monday after vacation all over again! The day really wiped me out. I had to finish our preschool version of "report cards" and write a lesson for next week and by the time the day was over I was ready to fall down. Ella had her dance class and then she and Gavin joined my in-laws for a movie night at their church. Andy and I took advantage of the time, grabbed a quick burger and then did the majority of our Christmas shopping. Whew! Later, Andy proof read my entire Thesis and reported that it only needed some minor cleaning up and a few changes. I slept so well!

Today, Andy worked on cleaning out the motorhome and putting up the Christmas lights while I have spent my day with my bum glued to the couch, computer on my lap, finishing my thesis. I am DONE! I even powered through and finished the 10 page Research Design Proposal!!! All I have left now, is to print both and then create a five slide power point presentation for class on Wednesday. AMEN!!!! I did it! I am so happy and releived and so very excited to spend some time with my family! In fact, I am not sure why I am still here on this computer and not playing Monopoly Jr. with them right now! Oh, wait, I heard whining.... I remember why.

Actually, I am off to make dinner and relax with some cocoa, next to a fire with my family while we watch a Christmas movie.

I did it.... I really did it... my Masters.... I can't beleive it!

It's crunch time!

Just a few weeks left until I have completed all of the work for my Masters degree in Education, but it feels overwhelming!  I have my Annotated Bibliography done and a REALLY rough 5 pages (out of 30?)  Then I have a Research Design Proposal and Oral Presentation with Power Point to complete.  All due, on December 9th.  That is it.  I will be done in a few weeks and I can hardly concentrate I am so excited.  My goal, right now, is to finish my rough draft before Thanksgiving.  We shall see!

It has been a rough semester with all of the changes and adjustments that we are making, but we are pulling through.  Gavin struggles with not getting enough time with Mom and Dad and Ella does too.  It is rough because I do not see them on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday!  I go to work and then to the library and don't get home until after they go to bed.  Andy is overworked at home and is exhausted, but he is incredible.  

We started having "talk time" with Gavin where one of us spends 15 minutes just hanging out with him and chatting.  Catching up on his life, friends, school or the latest book that he is reading.  He is responding well to this and I am loving the time to connect.  I think that after I am done with classes, we will make this a nightly thing and trade off kids so that each one gets some one on one time with each parent EVERY day.  If I don't have 10 minutes to devote myself to one of my children every day, I really need to get my priorities straightened out.  They used to get some one on one during bath time, but they both shower independently nowadays.. so we lost that.  I think that we are on to something good here!

We have made time to do some things together... we have been having Friday Family Nights still and have gone out to dinner, ice cream, done crafts, made cookies, watched movies or played games.  We are loving that!  We also went to a play last weekend which was really neat!  The next couple of weeks will be really rough for everyone because I am going to be at the library every night except for weekends when I will be working at home on my Lit Review.  I keep reminding the kids that if I can get done before Thanksgiving I can hang out all weekend long.  (I will take time to edit, but probably when they go to bed.)

We decided to go camping this year for Thanksgiving and I am beyond excited.  My mother's side of the family is getting together in the mountains above San Diego.  I have not celebrated Thanksgiving with this part of my family for a LONG time, and the kids never have!  We are going to have a great time (and try not to freeze to death!)  

I am at the library now, and took a break to post this update.  I appreciate my friends and family who stick with me and support me and love me through it all.  I could not do it without you!  NOW... It is back to work!

Happy Halloween!

Another month has come and gone...We had a great time and especially love when Halloween falls on a Saturday. It gives us an entire day to play and have fun together!

We had ghost pancakes for breakfast that Andy and the kids made. We made a Gingerbread Haunted House and some ghost and mummy cookies to take to a party later in the day.
Gavin played his soccer game and then we carved our pumpkins.

We all took a nap and then donned our costumes, headed off to a party for a big potluck dinner and then we were off to Trick or Treat. It was a fun and spooky night. Ella was very independent and just went off on her own to the doors of our neighbors. Gavin got brave and even went to the "scary" houses.

Today, we are putting away the decorations and cleaning up the house and doing laundry. Later I will be working on my thesis and we will have dinner with my in laws. November, here we come!